Conversation camp
Several times I've attended jam camps, multi-day sessions where bluegrass fans gathered and learned how to play music effectively in small ensembles. At times I fantasized about organizing a "conversation camp", where people could gather and learn to have an effective conversation.
I enjoy conversing and think I know how, but my efforts have been hit or miss. Sometimes I'm able to say just the thing that jolts my partner out of their social trance and leads them to listen and speak honestly. But way more often I feel like the other person is just sitting there, nodding, appearing to listen while actually just waiting for their turn at the mike.
Oliver Burkeman suggests the culprit is fear of leaving one's comfort zone:
The overarching point is that what we think of as “distractions” aren’t the ultimate cause of our being distracted. They’re just the places we go to seek relief from the discomfort of confronting limitation. The reason it’s hard to focus on a conversation with your spouse isn’t that you’re surreptitiously checking your phone beneath the dinner table. On the contrary, “surreptitiously checking your phone beneath the dinner table” is what you do because it’s hard to focus on the conversation—because listening takes effort and patience and a spirit of surrender, and because what you hear might upset you, so checking your phone is naturally more pleasant.
He goes on to describe in a few well chosen words exactly what I've felt was the problem:
Even if you place your phone out of reach, therefore, you shouldn’t be surprised to find yourself seeking some other way to avoid paying attention. In the case of conversation, this generally takes the form of mentally rehearsing what you’re going to say next, as soon as the other person has finished making sounds with their mouth. (Oliver Burkeman, Four Thousand Weeks)
As I said, busy thinking about what they'll say as soon as it's their turn at the mike.